I am now half way through my first semester of college here at Soka and finding it a bit easier each week! I am learning to take everything day by day, because there really is no use in getting ahead of myself. For those of you who don’t know me, I can be quite the worrier and I will tell you from experience, worrying over things that are out of your control is a waste of time and energy!
I want to talk to you today about what it is like going to college apart from my twin sister, Sara. A lot has been on my mind lately about learning how to be on my own, and I am really struggling with being apart from Sara during my time here. Fortunately I am able to go home and see her, but I think what I am struggling most with is the fact that we are now leading our lives independent of each other. My sister and I are pretty dependent on each other for the most part, we have grown up together, shared everything, and have looked out for each other every single day of our lives. Sara does not have CP and I think that is part of the reason why I am struggling more so than her. She has always been my “protector” in a way. Now that I am in college and she is in cosmetology school, I worry sometimes that I cannot do this without her.
Well back to what I mentioned earlier about worrying, I am realizing that this is such an unnecessary worry of mine. I know that I am perfectly capable of performing well in school, and making friends, but there is always that doubt in the back of my mind that makes me feel like no one could possibly understand, or want to understand what it is like to have CP like my sister did.
I guess these things take time right? I know I will get to a place of security and comfort, but right now I am just trying to focus on the fact that I was the one who got myself into this college, not my sister, not my parents…I did. There is something to be said for that, it will just take some time for me to digest that.. I am not trying to get all down in the dumps here today, I just know that there are some of you out there with twins, or who is a twin and maybe my thoughts, doubts, and worries will relate to you one day, and help you better understand this “twin dynamic.”
I think that is all for me today! I hope you all are having a great October month and enjoying this warm weather.
All the best, Katy